Forever House #42

May 2017
Hello Forever House Readers. It's time to pick up where I left off back in January 2014. My daughter is putting pressure on me which is kind of her.

I've been going to post a blog for a while, to indicate there is movement at the Forever House station and a big final push is in the pipeline. But every time I sit down to write I feel compelled to pick up where I left off - with my darling J getting sick. Which stops me because I want to share the story of Jeff' but I want to do it justice so cannot rush. Watch this space for a link to that blog when I settle to write it.

In a nutshell, since I signed off, things didn't work out the way we hoped. Jeff's Glioblastoma Multiforme claimed him. We did everything we could to fight it - but it is a brain tumour that cannot be beat, a fact we chose to ignore until about twelve months in. By that time we had both accepted that he would die. After the fight we put up, we knew we had done all we could. He was amazing throughout the whole sixteen months - right up to the day he died on the 2nd April 2015. He was fifty-seven years old. The man I had hoped to grow old and grey with. Thankfully he was not scared of dying but was very sad to be leaving the life we had created in the nine and a half years we were together. Neither of us would have missed being with each other - even though it was cut way too short. I feel lucky to have had him as my best friend and husband. And I feel honoured to have been able to walk with him as he needed me more and more. Jeff is the bravest man I know and I am so proud of him, and of myself. I carry him with me always. And thank him for continuing to look after me even now he is not here.

This link takes you to a digital story I made in December 2015 called A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words. Thanks for watching and handing on to anyone you think may benefit from its message.








Since losing Jeff (and would you believe my Dad Frank four days before), I have been juggling loss with acceptance and working out where and how my own life goes from there. It didn't take long, when I got back to work, to realise I could choose not to work a stressful job anymore - and instead to keep my well being front and centre, seeking pleasure and awareness from simple things and creative pursuits. There is certainly a lot of that to get on with - all my unfinished projects - the biggest being the Forever House.


In the two years since Jeff and Dad left us - Mum and I have been widows together which has been a weird blessing. I am so proud of her and her resilience and her zest for living every day, sad as she is that Dad is no longer sharing it with her. I realise so much of my own reslience and zest for life comes from her. Mum is adorable - everybody just loves her.




Here are a few pics of what I have put my energies into before being ready to get back to the Forever House.

Jeff and I began this renovation at home (Tuckurimba) back in 2012 but ran out of money. I finished it while he was ill with the incredible help of friends and trades. It is beautiful. You may note that the pink wall lights and the feature splash-back tiles were purchased in Melbourne for the Forever House, but as with the arch windows, which were also bought for the Forever House many years ago, this renovation pirloined them.
 

Jeff came back to this room for his last 3 months

The extension on the big house at Home

I turned the shed in our back yard at home (Tuckurimba) into a cottage for me. Jeff had his workshop on the left of this building, the right side was the shed shed, the upstairs was storage for everything that didn't fit into the house. There was a carport off to the right as well which I enclosed and turned into the kitchen and bathroom laundry. A great builder Tex and his wife Loida worked with me. I moved out of the big house and into this cottage at the end of October 2016. I am still to make sense of all the remaining belongings that don't fit into my tiny house. The cull has been overwhelming with all of my own and Jeff's and some of my kids belongings. I'll get there in the end. A container now acts as a shed and whatever fits in there is all I can keep! And of course I am still holding so much stuff that will furnish the Forever House when it is complete (five months time).

The shed at Home which became my cottage

My cottage taking shape

In about June of 2016 I bought a surf mat and fins and have become a mat surfer as often as I can get to the beach. I also spend as much time walking the beach as I can.

As a means of getting to the beach more often without having to drive back and forth I replaced my camper trailer with the DonnaVan which has been an awesome addition to my life. 

Jeff's electronics business is now my concern, with the help of my cousin Jess, supplying a local business with boards crucial to the small crane/s they make, which sit on the back of a ute and move beehives around by remote control.
I work part time at my old community sector organisation so that I keep contact with colleagues and the important work done.

I want to finish the Forever House and turn it into the Retreat I have dreamed of for many years. The grass is very long and everything is filthy but other than that, as always, she has waited patiently for my return; and her turn for completion has come. I know Jeff and Dad are sending me strength and motivation for this final leg of a huge build. Both those men supported the project to their utmost. They will forever be indelibly in it's DNA.